Consequences
by eternity in a wildflower
Summary: My idea of what could happen at the end of Season 7 for Meredith and Derek. Totally sad and angsty. I thought about making this longer but the end of the season is rapidly making it obsolete so it will remain a TWO-SHOT. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I loved last week so so much but I can't help but worry about what is yet to come. This fic is just sort of an idea the occurred to me about what the fallout for Meredith tampering with he trial could be. I think this is basically all just based on my conjecture but I've read pretty much every spoiler out there and can't guarantee that none of them found their way into this without me realizing. **

**Diclaimer: These aren't my characters and I'm not making any money from their use. And sorry if there are spoilers.**

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><p><strong>Consequences <strong>

Meredith couldn't breathe. She'd been hoping to avoid Derek for a little while longer but he was there in the elevator with her. They were alone and he just stared at her with deadly eyes. "You falsified my trial?" he asked, though it wasn't a question at this point, it was a formal investigation.

Meredith didn't know what to say, not when he was looking at her with so much anger. "I'm sorry" was all she could think of; with her heart in her throat.

Derek just glared back at her until the elevator opened on his floor. He glared for just a moment longer before shaking his head and saying, "Whatever Meredith," and leaving her to stare after him. She was too afraid to fallow him, too afraid of what he might say. He had no tolerance for mistakes on his work. He'd thrown enough residents out of his OR for her to know that. Derek Shepherd was not a man who accepted anything less than the best in his residents and that was not what she'd given him.

It was so much worse than that too, because she had ruined his whole trial. Everything was under investigation and it was her fault. This could have repercussions for the whole hospital. She let him go and went back to work. It was all she could think to do.

Later that day things went from bad to worse when they had another interview with the adoption social worker. They'd both been in the room and he tried to act normally, but anger was still seething out of him. The social worker had picked up on it and asked them to explain.

With no other choice, Meredith had laid out the whole story for the social worker. Derek had just stood there glaring while she tried to explain her actions. When the interview was over, and they were all going their separate ways, it was clear that the social worker was less than impressed.

A few days later word came from the adoption agency. Denied. They wouldn't be becoming parents anytime soon. Though their love and worry over Zola had already made them parents in their hearts. After a couple days had passed with Derek avoiding her she tried to corner him in his office, but he'd just glared at her and said he needed some space.

That night she lay in bed feeling more alone than she had since her dad left when she was just a little girl. Her bed was empty and she wondered where Derek could be. He hadn't been home in days. Was he staying at the hospital? With Mark? She cried alone and silently prayed for him to come home. She wasn't religious and she had no idea who it was she might be praying to, but she couldn't stop herself. She needed Derek to come home.

She went in early to work the next day and realized where Derek was staying. She found him asleep next to Zola's crib. She'd be leaving in just a couple days and they'd never see her again; this girl that could have been their daughter. He was asleep and she couldn't be sure but Meredith thought it looked like Derek had been crying. She should have known that this is where he'd be. He was so in love with that little girl.

A couple more days passed and Zola was discharged but still Derek didn't return home. One day she got home from work and it was clear that Derek had been there. He'd come and gotten some of his things and left again before she could make it home to catch him.

She cried in bed all night before going to work the next morning and seeking him out in his office. She knocked gently and heard him reply before opening the door. His face hardened when he saw it was her. "What do you want?" he asked in an unkind tone.

"I just," Meredith started before her voice broke slightly, "I just wanted to know when you think you'll be coming home?" she tried to make it sound causal but after a night of crying her voice came out sounding like that of a wounded animal. She needed him to come home. She needed _him_.

"I don't know yet Meredith," his voice started out cold, but as he really looked at her for the first time in days he couldn't help it when some of the humanity crept back into his voice. She looked like a total mess. She was a disaster without him. "I'm staying at the Archfield," he told her in the closest he'd come to a kind voice since this whole thing started. "I just need some time," he added in a defeated tone.

"The Archfield?" She asked with despair. He wanted to be away from her so badly that he was staying at a hotel? She almost broke down right there. They'd just gotten married; legally at least. Wasn't their bond supposed to be stronger now? More sure than it had when they'd only had promises and a post-it? Yet somehow he'd never been further away from her than he was right then. "When do you think you'll come home?" she asked again finally when there was nothing left to say.

"I don't know," he answered, maybe he even sounded as broken as she was. She'd never really been a needy person but Meredith had to fight herself to keep from running over to him and grabbing on and refusing to let go. She wanted to grab onto him with both hands and sob and beg him to come home with her.

She wanted to beg, but she didn't. She was the one who had messed everything up and she could wait. He needed space and time and she would make sure he got it even if it killed her along the way. "Okay," was all she said before turning to leave his office. "Derek," she called to him from just outside the door. He just stared back at her and she lost all of her courage. "I'll see you later," she finished lamely before shutting the door behind her.

She was walking down the hallway when her phone started to ring. She looked at the caller ID and knew it was the phone call she'd been waiting for, the one she'd been hoping to tell Derek about if he'd came home last night. It had started a few days ago as a feeling, then she'd taken a test at home, and now here it was from the receptionist at her doctor's office:

"_Congratulations Dr. Grey, you're pregnant."_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, this chapter isn't so much conjecture as what I'd want to happen after the last chapter, I just couldn't leave them apart in my head... Oh and I don't really know much about adoption but I was just reading this book about divorce and adopted children and some of it seemed kind of awful... a little bit of that made its way in here. Sorry...**

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><p><strong>Consequences 2<strong>

Derek walked off the elevator in the lobby of the Archfield. He had a meeting with his lawyer for lunch. He hated lawyers, but this time it was just something he had to do. He saw the man already sitting at a table and walked over.

The two men greeted each other and then sat down to discuss their business. "So," Derek started, "What can I do to get Zola back?"

"Derek, it's pretty complicated at this point. I mean you've already been denied custody. We'll have to appeal the decision and do another set of interviews with you and your wife. It's not an easy process, especially now that the child is out of the country." The lawyer was doing his best to paint a gloomy picture.

"But come on she has got to be better off with us than in an African orphanage," Derek responded incredulously. "I can't even believe we got denied in the first place."

"Well they cited the fact that you seemed to be having marriage difficulties as a major reason for their hesitation. That combined with your wife's trouble at work seemed to make the social worker think this wasn't the ideal situation to bring a baby into."

"Marriage difficulties?" Derek asked. "I'm not having marriage difficulties," he said blankly.

"You're staying in a hotel Derek. That's not exactly painting a rosy picture for the state of your marriage to me."

"No, it's not…" Derek started, but he didn't really know what to say, "I was mad," he tried, "I was mad and I just needed some space. First with the work problems and then we lost Zola because of it and I just needed some time to sort it all out on my own," He tried to explain himself, "I could never divorce my wife." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and to him it was. Meredith was his soulmate, he just needed a little while to remind himself of that and not say anything to her that he might regret in the mean time.

"So this work thing isn't going to break up your relationship with your wife?" The lawyer asked for clarification. He needed to understand where everyone stood before they continued.

"Of course not," Derek responded, "No. I love my work. I love it and I'm great at it, but I love my wife more."

"Okay then, that's good. As long as you're not planning on changing anything it makes the appeal process easier," he paused, "Easier but definitely not easy. Or simple. This could draw out and you may even need to make a trip or two to Africa. It's much more complicated now that she's out of the country."

"Okay I understand. It doesn't have to be easy as long as you understand I'm not taking no for an answer here. I will adopt that little girl," Derek responded, feeling more confident than he had in a long time. Zola would be their little girl.

"I understand and I'm going to do everything I can for you on this," he started to get ready to leave the restaurant. "I think that pretty much covers it for today, is there anything else that I can help you with before I go?"

"Just one question," Derek said, "My wife was pretty convinced that she was a hindrance in this process, that her personal history and work obligations made her a less than ideal candidate for adoption. Was there any truth to that?" Derek really just wanted to understand where they all stood. This whole process was still new to him.

"Honestly I think as long as your marriage is stable she doesn't look too bad. Some of her past lifestyle choices my not have been stellar, but she's been in a stable, committed relationship for a few years now. And as for work, she won't be a resident forever. She's got a couple years left where she'll be required to work long hours and then she'll be free to do just about whatever she wants. Add to that that there are two parents in the household and plenty of money for quality childcare and it's really not a problem. As a team you two don't look too bad," The lawyer explained matter-of-factly.

"So then why did they deny us?" Derek asked, confused.

"Well, I don't know the precise reason but mostly it seems like they thought you two were about the break up and newly adopted children can really get hurt in the divorce process. A lot of times you have one parent decide they want to back out of the adoption, sometimes even both parents and then the child is left in an impossible situation."

Derek's brow furrowed as he listened to this, "You think we'd just throw away a child like she was garbage? She's a human being. She's beautiful and smart and we'd be more likely to fight over her than to both just give her up!" Derek couldn't believe what he was hearing. The idea that people actually abandoned their adopted children like that seemed impossible.

"Well first of all, it's not what I think that matters. It's what the adoption agency thinks. And also, they aren't really fans of custody battles either," The lawyer tried to explain. "No matter what the situation is, divorce would not be good for Zola and so you combine that with the fact that you both work a lot and separately wouldn't have any support system in place since she doesn't really have much family and yours lives on the other side of the country, and it does create a less than desirable situation," He paused to look at Derek, "I think they jumped the gun by denying you so fast, but clearly the social worker saw something that really bugged her during the last interview."

Derek looked down at the table, "That was probably my fault. I don't remember doing anything specific but I was really mad and I can get kind of abrupt when I'm angry."

"It's alright Derek. This isn't about who's to blame for what. We just need to move on and get the best result we can," The lawyer stood up and Derek followed suit. As the two men shook hand he added, "We're going to fight Derek and if I have anything to say about it we'll win. You and your wife seem like good people and I'm sure the baby will be better off with you."

"Thanks so much," Derek said, "I really need this to be your top priority, every day that little girl spend away from us is a day too long."

"I'm going to do everything I can on my end, but Derek?"

"Yeah?" Derek asked.

"If you're serious about not divorcing your wife, you probably better move back in with her sooner rather than later. It doesn't really look good to have you living in separate places."

"Yeah I know, and I'm going to. Like I said I just needed to get my head on straight. "

With that the two men parted ways and Derek headed back to his room. He had a meeting with the contractor out at the site of the new house set up for that afternoon and he needed to go over some things before that. The house was just about done. They just had some final arrangements and paperwork to go over and in just a few weeks it would time to move in. He was really excited, it felt like they'd been building the house forever and it was finally almost ready.

He went out to the meeting, but on his way back into town he almost drove to Meredith's house. He ended up chickening out though. He was ashamed of himself for the way he'd left things with her. He'd been angry but also worried that he'd say something to her that he'd regret. Like the time he'd been hiding out in the woods and he'd been so mean when she came to find him. He hated himself for acting like that but sometimes he just couldn't help it.

But he knew she had abandonment issues, and he'd just left her alone without really any kind of explanation. At the time he'd thought it was okay, that she'd be fine, but now it seemed even more cruel than yelling at her in the woods. She was his wife, his family, and you don't just walk out on your family. Now he didn't know how to come back. He couldn't just walk back in like he'd never left. What if she threw him back out? He'd certainly deserve it after everything.

Instead he just went back to his hotel room and got ready for another long lonely night by himself. He took a shower and thought about maybe going into work, but he just didn't have the heart. He missed Meredith. Like really really missed her, and all he wanted was to hold her and sleep by her and watch her smile. Work just didn't sound appealing at the moment.

He put his pajamas on and was just about to go to bed early when there was a knock at his door. He looked at it curiously as he walked over. He opened the door and was surprised to see Meredith standing on the other side. She looked like a mess. She looked sad like he hadn't seen her since he'd been with Addison and like she almost wasn't sure the world around her was real anymore.

"Mere?" he asked when she didn't say anything right away.

"You didn't come to work today," She said quietly as she looked up at his face.

"It was my day off," was all he could think of to say back to her.

"I know," she said and her voice cracked just a little, "But you still usually come."

"I had some meetings today," he explained further, "I went out to look at the house, and it's great by the way. And I had to talk to our lawyer."

Her head snapped up at that, "A lawyer?" She asked and any resolve she had seemed to crumble. She was shacking.

"Oh no," Derek said when he realized what she was thinking, "Not about us," he couldn't help himself anymore so he pulled her into a hug, "The lawyer is going to help us fight to get Zola," he said as he rubbed his hands up and down her back while they both stood in the hallway. "I would never need a lawyer for us," he said it like a promise and hoped she could hear that too.

"You wouldn't?" she asked as she looked him in the eyes. There were tears falling down her cheeks and he brushed them away with his thumb.

"No Mere, you're my wife. You're my family. I was mad but that doesn't change," he kissed her gently on the side of her face. "I'm sorry I made you feel like this," he added as guilt over her present level of despair really hit him. She seemed completely heart broken and it was all his fault.

"Can I come in," she asked into his shoulder, "Just for a minute, I need to talk to you and I didn't want to come here. I wanted to give you your space but you didn't come to work today and I really need to talk to you." She backed away from him, feeling a little bit stronger, and she wiped her face of with the back of her hand.

It wasn't until she mentioned it that he really realized that they were still standing in the hallway. He looked around to find a maid staring at them from down the hall. "Yeah, sorry," he grabbed her arm and lead her inside. Once they got in she looked around, assessing the room he'd been living in since he left the house. "Do you want anything to eat or drink?" he asked to distract her when he could tell she was about to start crying again. "There's one of those mini bar things in here or I could order some room service, I was just about to order dinner anyway," he hesitated, "You could stay and eat with me if you want." He didn't try to hide the hope in his voice.

She stared at him for a minute, deciding if the offer was genuine. "Yeah," she finally responded, "I'd love to stay and eat with you." He didn't like that she still sounded a breath away from crying.

He just looked at her for a minute before he realized that he should be doing something. He reached for the menu by the phone and went to hand it to her. "Okay what do you want to eat? They have just about anything you can think of."

She didn't reach out to take the menu instead she just looked at him and said, "I don't really know, I'll just have what you have." He knew he was in trouble then. She hated the food he ate. She must really be upset if she was willing to subject herself to whatever healthy food he would normally be eating. He didn't know what to do but she interrupted his thoughts. "Can I, um, use your bathroom," she asked as she looked around the room.

"Yeah," he said, trying not to think about how wrong it was for him to have a bathroom that wasn't hers too. "It's right through that door," he directed her in and then tried to think about what to order for dinner. She stayed in the bathroom long after he'd finished ordering; long enough for him to be pretty sure that she was hiding in there. When she finally came out he could see that she'd splashed some water on her face in an attempt to pull herself together.

He'd slid the table up to the bed while she was gone and set it up to eat. "They just have these tables to sit on the bed and eat," he explained lamely.

"Okay," she said as she sat next to him. It was all he could do not to pull her into his arms. He'd missed her so much. There was a knock at the door and he jumped up to answer.

Once everything was taken care of he brought the food back to the table. "Pancakes?" she asked. She smiled for the first time since she'd been there. It was the first time he'd seen her smile in weeks really. It was so good to see. He almost reached out and kissed her but he was afraid to break the moment.

"Yeah, I guess it's good you came to save me from all of this syrup and butter," he smiled at her. She gave him a kind of incredulous look but didn't say anything as she picked up her fork and started to eat. A few minutes of comfortable silence passed while they were eating before he resigned himself to ask the question that had been hanging in the air since she arrived. "So what did you need to talk to me about?" he asked as kindly and carefully as possible. She spooks easily. He remembered what felt like a lifetime ago when he'd explained that to Mark. You had to ask the hard questions the right way or she'd bolt.

She looked at him with a mouth full of pancake and seemed to deflate a little. She swallowed heavily and had a drink of the water that sat on the table. "Okay," she started but then stopped and looked at him again, "I'm sorry, this shouldn't be so hard. It's a good thing. Or it should be a good thing. A few weeks ago this would have been so easy but now everything's crazy and I don't know what to do."

"I'm sorry I made everything so crazy for us," he said. Guilt was definitely outweighing any anger he'd had towards her. She seemed like she was still waiting for him to pull the rug out from underneath her.

"No, I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I don't know why I can't just be better," she looked at him and there were tears in her eyes again.

"No Mere, you didn't deserve this. I was mad and I'm such a jerk sometimes, but I do love you," He tried to make up for everything in one apology and he knew it wouldn't work but he still had to try.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted a bit suddenly.

"What?" he asked in shock. He looked down at her stomach as if he expected it to suddenly be different, but it looked the same. He smiled and put his hand on her cheek. He looked questioningly into her eyes. She just nodded. He broke into the biggest smile and kissed her with everything he had. He'd missed her so much. They'd been trying for months he couldn't believe they'd finally done it. Then the excitement faded out of him as it was replaced by guilt. He'd basically abandoned his pregnant wife. He knew that he didn't know, but he should have. They'd been trying for months he should have thought of it. She'd had to deal with it all alone. He was supposed to be there for her this time.

"What's wrong?" she asked in a quiet voice. "Are you mad?"

His heart almost broke at that question, "No," he said as he pulled her into a hug, "No, of course I'm not mad. This is so great," he kissed her head as he kept her in his arms, "I'm just sorry I wasn't there with you," he finally pulled her back from himself a bit to look into her eyes, "I'm sorry I left you alone. I'm sorry you had to wonder how I would feel about our baby," he broke into a smile again, "Our baby Mere."

He kissed her again, hungrily this time. It had been weeks since they'd been together, and he needed her so badly. She put up no resistance as he pushed her back into the bed and pulled her clothes off. She held him close as they made love and afterwards lay with him as they caught their breath. He cuddled into her and held her spooned against him and he almost thought she was asleep when she asked, "Will you please come home Derek?" she looked out into the room as she said it, but kept her hands with his as if she was afraid he would disappear, "Please," she repeated, "I need you." Then, as if she was afraid that wouldn't be enough she added, "Our baby needs you." She pulled his hand down to rest on her flat abdomen.

"Yes Meredith," he sighed as he buried his face in her hair, "Yes, of course I'll come home." He pulled the blanket up around them, "Let's just lay here a while longer though."


End file.
